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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25573294">Why are you gone while I still breathe</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlexanderTheGreatest/pseuds/AlexanderTheGreatest'>AlexanderTheGreatest</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Hannibal (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Baltimore State Hospital for the Criminally Insane, Dark! Will, Doctor/Patient, Fluff, M/M, Smut, Someone Help Will Graham, Suicide, The Unholy Trinity - Freeform, Unhappy Ending, Will is Schizophrenic, Will is the Chesapeake Ripper, but different in distinct ways, but like its mostly angst, similar to the canon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 02:48:11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,398</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25573294</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlexanderTheGreatest/pseuds/AlexanderTheGreatest</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Will Graham has been arrest as The Chesapeake Ripper and was put in The Baltimore State Hospital for the Criminally Insane. Upon arriving he meets Dr. Hannibal Lecter who has been assigned as Will's new therapist.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Will Graham/Hannibal Lecter</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>29</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>The title is a line from a song called "Therapy" by Nulberry. Here's the link if you wanna listen to it :) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zi3H-_xOuN4</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><p>The ride in the police car was quiet. Will could feel the officers' excitement radiating off them; the excitement of finally capturing The Chesapeake Ripper.</p><p>Will's arrest had been surprisingly anticlimactic. Jack Crawford's suspicion of Will's guilt had been rising for a long time (between the lost time and the hallucinations it was quickly becoming clear that Will was derailing).</p><p>It became clear once Will coughed up an ear, even clearer when that ear was found to be Abigail Hobbs and it became the clearest of all when they found her half-eaten corpse in a freezer in his barn</p><p>Will stayed quiet even after they got to the Baltimore state hospital for the criminally insane. He stayed quiet even after he was put in his cell.</p><p>Will felt the wendigo's presence even in this place. He had no memory of anything that the wendigo had done, anything that he had done.</p><p>"Hello, Will," said a familiar voice coming down the hall. Will's stomach turned at the thought of Alana seeming him like this.</p><p>"What are you doing here, Alana?" Will asked, using his voice for the first time in what felt like years. He watched as Alana came into view.</p><p>"I came to see you," Alana answered in a voice that exuded mixed emotions. He could feel her confliction coming off her in waves.</p><p>"You came to see The Chesapeake Ripper, you mean," Will said weakly. He felt like an animal on display at the zoo.</p><p>"I want to believe that you aren't the same as him," Alana replied.</p><p>"But you don’t believe that, do you?" Will said in a flat, dissociated voice. He felt far away, like was only half in that cell.</p><p>"You coughed up her ear Will. I know that you did this, but I also know that you’ve been unwell, and I know that isn't you. Not really," Alana said, tears trailing down her cheeks.</p><p>"I don’t know anything, anymore," Will replied, eyes watching as the wendigo walked behind Alana. Will felt like a balloon that was floating away after losing his tether.</p><p>They talked for a little bit longer after that, and then Alana left, and Will felt like he had so often in his life. Alone.</p><p>Will's mind slipped away as the loneliness saturated his entire being.</p><p>Eventually, his loneliness was interrupted by the presence of another man. Will had never ever met this man before. He was tall, good looking, and well groom.</p><p>"Hello, Mr. Graham," the man said in a European accent that Will couldn’t quite place. Will was glad to hear the voice of another human being.</p><p>"Hello. Who are you?" Will asked.</p><p>"My name is Dr. Hannibal Lecter. I'm your new therapist," the man answered in a smooth tone. Will should've known that this man was just another person wanting to observe him like he was a science experiment.</p><p>"So, is this the part where I tell you that my father didn’t love me?" Will joked, weakly.</p><p>"If you want to. This time is about you, we can talk about whatever you like," Dr. Lecter answered in a reassuring voice.</p><p>"Well, the most pressing issue in my life is the fact that I'm locked in a cell for being a serial killer," Will mumbled out, thinking about how drastically his life had changed in last couple of months.</p><p>"Okay, we can talk about that. How has isolation affected you?" Dr. Lecter asked while scribbling down something in his notes.</p><p>"I feel like I'm mostly ok. The hallucinations have been coming and going but I've been mostly lucid," Will answered, watching the man in front of him intently.</p><p>"Hmm, and what happens in these hallucinations?" Dr. Lecter questioned, looking up from his notes.</p><p>"Well… I see a, um, version of me," Will answered, trying to not be too specific.</p><p>Dr. Lector looked up from his notes again, making a face that Will could not decipher and asked, "Well what is different about this version of you?"</p><p>"He has antlers like… a deer and he's, um, covered in blood," Will said, feeling strange about telling a complete stranger about something that had haunted him for months on end.</p><p>"Well, when did these hallucinations start?" Dr. Lecter asked, continuing his notetaking.</p><p>Will had to think for a second. It was hard to remember exactly, his entire existence had blurred together. But he did remember that the nightmares had started when Jack had roped him into helping him with the cases.</p><p>"It started as nightmares, and they didn’t start until Jack Crawford used me for the FBI cases," Will finally answered. He felt… comfortable around this man in a way that he wasn't with most people.</p><p>"Used you? It sounds like there's some resentment there," Dr. Lecter stated leaning back in his chair slightly. It was almost funny that Will was just as interested in this mystery man as he was in Will.</p><p>"I'm sorry Dr. Lecter-"</p><p>"Please, call me Hannibal,"</p><p>"Hannibal." Will corrected, "I barely know anything about you. How am I supposed to open up to you?"</p><p>Hannibal looked taken aback by Will's comment. "Well, what would you like to know?"</p><p>Will thought for a second, what did he want to know?</p><p>"Where are you from?" Will asked after a bit. Will felt good about getting to know someone new.</p><p>"I'm from Lithuania," Hannibal answered and then shot back, "Where are you from, Will?"</p><p>Will smiled and replied "I'm from Virginia. Sorry, I'm not as interesting as you."</p><p>Hannibal's lip quirked up slightly at Will's comment. "Some would argue that you are far more interesting than me."</p><p>Will laughed, it felt good to laugh after the hell that he had been through. It almost felt like Will had… a friend.</p><p>"Anything else you'd to know, Will?" Hannibal asked clearly amused by their conversation.</p><p>"What's your favorite book?" Will asked, trying not to feel like a 15-year-old girl playing a party game with her crush.</p><p>"The Divine Comedy by Dante Alighieri" Hannibal answered almost immediately.</p><p>"That was fast," Will replied, surprised. Hannibal's answer didn’t really surprise Will (hell the guy exuded intelligence and charm).</p><p>"Well I knew my answer," Hannibal said shifting slightly in his chair, "what's yours?"</p><p>"I don’t know if I've finished a book since high school," Will said honestly.</p><p>"Then why did you ask mine?" Hannibal asked, smirk returning.</p><p>"I don’t know, that’s what you do?" Will replied giggling slightly, "Isn't this how people make friends?"</p><p>"I hate to break up our 20 questions session but what would you like to know in order for us to have a trusting doctor-patient relationship?" Hannibal asked, slipping back into his role as a therapist.</p><p>Will thought for a second, thinking about what would help. He was going to tell this guy all of his secrets he needed something in return.</p><p>"Tell me something that no one else knows about you," Will said after a few moments of silence.</p><p>Hannibal paused and took a moment to think, "My sister was murdered when I was younger and it makes me avoid going home in fear of all the memories it will bring back.</p><p>Will sat in stunned silence for a moment before replying, "Wow, that made this conversation take a turn."</p><p>"Well I was just being honest," Hannibal replied, in a kind tone.</p><p>"No, I understand. And I really appreciate it. Learning that about you, it makes you feel more… human," Will said, hoping that didn’t sound as sappy as he felt saying it.</p><p>"Good, I want you to trust me, Will. I want to know you, and I want you to know me," Hannibal explained.</p><p>Their time ended soon after, but Hannibal's words echoed inside Will's head.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Will started to feel worse as soon as Hannibal left him alone. He felt like his mind was drifting and everything inside him began to break as the loneliness took hold. His hallucinations worsened and he began to lose sight of reality again.</p>
<p>The only way that Will knew that time was even passing was the sliver of sunlight that poured through the bars of his cell window. He was unsure of how many days were passing. He was unsure of everything.</p>
<p>After what felt like an eternity Hannibal finally visited again. Will smiled and laughed slightly happy to finally have someone anyone to talk to besides the monsters in his head.</p>
<p>"Hello, Will," Hannibal said in his usual calm and collected manner. His structured and well groom appearance was surely a contrast to the absolute hell that Will looked like he'd been dragged through.</p>
<p>Hello, Hannibal. I'm so glad to see you again," Will said, honesty pulled from him by his complete desperation for human interaction.</p>
<p>"And I'm glad to hear that," Hannibal replied, clearly a little shocked by Will's blunt statement. Will could tell though that Hannibal wasn’t lying which soothed Will's embarrassment about having greeted him that way.</p>
<p>"So, Will how are you feeling," Hannibal asked in a completely professional tone. He was Will's therapist after all, and he came here to do his job.</p>
<p>"I feel terrible to tell you the truth," Will answered thinking about the mental anguish he'd gone through in the last little bit. </p>
<p>"And why is that?" Hannibal questioned while quietly writing in his notebook. </p>
<p>"I've just been so lonely." Will said, trying to ignore the twinge of embarrassment he felt about admitting his vulnerability, "I feel like I haven't seen another human being in weeks."</p>
<p>Hannibal took a second to think about his response, "We are social creatures. Our lives are meant to be lived in conjunction with those around us. By being locked in this cell you have been denied your very nature."</p>
<p>"I feel like I'm falling apart," Will mumbled out. He hadn't intended his voice to be laced with the sadness that he'd felt for so very long, but to be fair he hadn't intended any of this.</p>
<p>"By losing the closeness of others you’ve intern lost yourself," Hannibal replied in a soft voice almost as if he felt that the harshness of his own voice would shatter Will even further.</p>
<p>"Yes." Will answered back as rubbed his hands across his own face, "I miss feeling… complete."</p>
<p>"Tell me, Will, have your visions worsened since our last meeting?" Hannibal asked as if he was discussing the weather instead of Will's inner torment.</p>
<p>"Oh yeah. He's here almost constantly," Will replied trying to ignore how insane his own words sounded. </p>
<p>"Is he here right now?" Hannibal asked while writing in notes.</p>
<p>"No, I think you scared him off," Will answered smiling.</p>
<p>"Good. I'd rather our conversations be private," Hannibal said smile starting to form on his lips.</p>
<p>"As private as they can be," Will muttered, thinking about the cameras that continuously watched him.</p>
<p>"Privacy is a spectrum, as is everything else in life. We are never really alone no matter how we may feel," Hannibal replied, continuing to write in his book.</p>
<p>"Well I still feel alone," Will replied, voice dripping with sadness. </p>
<p>"We can be alone together then," Hannibal said, the softness returning. </p>
<p>Hannibal's words gave a calmness to Will's mind that he hadn't felt since they put the handcuffs on his wrists.</p>
<p>"Do you feel alone, Hannibal?" Will asked trying to not think about the moment they had just shared.</p>
<p>"Sometimes. It can be easy to feel as if there is no one in the world that understands you. But it's important to remember that even if that's true that doesn’t mean that there aren't those willing to try," Hannibal answered after a bit.</p>
<p>"'I want to know you' that’s what you said last time we talked," Will said thinking back to their first meeting. </p>
<p>"It's true. I want to know you and I want to understand you," Hannibal replied in a tone of sincerity.</p>
<p>Will huffed out a laugh in response, "I don’t even understand me." </p>
<p>"Well, what are your issues?" Hannibal asked professionalism returning.</p>
<p>"They say that I have schizophrenia with tendencies of Dissociative Identity disorder," Will answered in a completely clinical tone.</p>
<p>"Well, what do you think?" Hannibal asked clearly not satisfied with Will's cop-out answer.</p>
<p>"I think that something has been 'wrong' with me my whole life. I have constantly felt like the odd one out. This is just another thing in a long list of things that mean that I don’t belong," Will answered, spite and anger bubbling up.</p>
<p>"Do you wish that you belonged, Will?" Hannibal questioned giving Will an odd look.</p>
<p>"I did at first." Will replied, standing up from his bed for the first time today, "When I was younger, I tried to hide the odd things about me. I quickly realized that there was no way for me to be normal, not without getting rid of myself along the way."</p>
<p>"What do you wish for now Will?" Hannibal asked, writing in his notebook again. </p>
<p>"All I've wanted was someone to talk to," Will said, looking at his feet as the vulnerability returned, "And talking to you has really helped with that.</p>
<p>Hannibal looked into Will's eyes and smiled, "Always happy to help."</p>
<p>"What do you wish for, Hannibal?" Will asked feeling the curiosity about the man rising in his mind.</p>
<p>"Right now, I wish that we'd met under different circumstances, that we could have been friends," Hannibal answered in a voice of wistful sadness.</p>
<p>"Yeah, me too," Will replied saddened by a reminder of where they were and why.</p>
<p>Their session came to a close shortly after that. It felt as if Will's happiness left with Hannibal.</p>
<p>Will felt better though, even if Hannibal did have to leave. Will had never had anyone to talk to before not really. Will's life had been a series of people that talked to him but never listened, never saw the parts of him that he had forced himself to hide. </p>
<p>Now though, he could talk to Hannibal. Sure, he was his therapist and it was his job but their conversations still felt real to Will.</p>
<p>Will's life returned to normal, or at least what had become his normal. It didn’t take long for the loneliness to return, but this time he knew that no matter how lonely he felt now that he'd get to see Hannibal again soon. Hannibal's visits gave his life structure in a way that helped Will grasp onto reality.</p>
<p>It had been a few days since Will's session with Hannibal (or at least he was pretty sure it had been). Will was lost in his own imagination, thinking about running away to Cuba of all places. </p>
<p>Will was forced back to reality by a figure walking up to his cell. Will felt the same excitement that he had the last time Hannibal came to visit. </p>
<p>That excitement left when he finally saw the face of the figure. </p>
<p>"What do you want, Jack?" Will asked voice laced with the spite he felt about everything Jack had put Will through.</p>
<p>Jack Crawford sighed as he took in the sight of the man that he had pushed to insanity. "I'm so sorry, Will. I know this had been… hard on you."</p>
<p>"Oh really?" Will sneered, digging his fingernails into his own palms, "It's been hard for me losing my entire sense of reality? I would have never guessed!"</p>
<p>Will watched as Jack's expression turned to one of shame. Will knew that Jack didn’t regret what he'd done, he just regretted that Will couldn’t be used as the FBI's workhorse anymore.</p>
<p>"I… I should not have pushed you the way that I did. I knew what it was doing to you, but I never thought…" Jack replied.</p>
<p>"You never thought, what?" Will said walking up to the cell bars, "That I'd snap and go insane and become a serial killer?"</p>
<p>Jack looked away, desperate to get away from Will's critical gaze. "Yeah. I made a choice to try and save lives and I ended up ruining so many, including yours."</p>
<p>Will's anger towards the man dissipated slightly because of Jack's words. Will sighed, wondering how things how gone so very wrong, "It's my fault as much as it is yours. I could've stopped anytime. I should've stopped."</p>
<p>Jack's expression softened at Will's admission, gratefully that not all of the blame was on him.</p>
<p>"Still, this talk isn't what you came here for. So, I'll ask again, what did you want Jack?" Will asked with no real heat behind it this time.</p>
<p>Jack sighed clearly knowing that they would eventually circle back to this, "Will, I just want you to know that I wouldn’t be asking this if I had any other options."</p>
<p>Will laughed a bit, knowing that this would come. He knew as soon as he saw Jack's face that he needed something. Almost no one ever talked to Will unless they needed something.</p>
<p>"Just… just ask me. I almost hate it more when you dance around it," Will sighed out, already knowing what he was going to say.</p>
<p>"There's been a new series of killings, they’ve started calling him the tooth fairy," Jack explained, finally admitting why he had come.</p>
<p>"I feel like there's a lot of more intimidating names then the tooth fairy," Will joked, making light of a dark situation again rather than deal with his own feeling on the matter.</p>
<p>"Yeah, you'll have to take that up with Freddie Lounds, not me," Jack replied, laughing somewhat at Will's attempt at humor.</p>
<p>"I should've known she was responsible for that," Will said, smiling again for the first time since Hannibal had left.</p>
<p>"Always," Jack laughed out. It almost felt like old times, besides the fact that Will was in a cell.</p>
<p>After the jokes and humor disappeared there was nothing left but the tension of the unsaid question in the air.</p>
<p>That is until Jack said what they both knew this conversation was leading to, "Will I really need you to help me with this case."</p>
<p>Will took a second to think, to think about how involved he really wanted to be in any of this. He considered what he should say; hell what he could say. </p>
<p>Finally, Will made up his mind and said "What do need me to do?"</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Will had spent hours looking through the case files that Jack had left trying to piece together who this killer was. He felt his own mind slip away as he thought and felt like he was this killer, he was becoming him.</p><p>"Will Graham, the Chesapeake Ripper," Said a voice startling Will back into his own body. </p><p>Once Will got over the initial shock of being jolted back to reality, he recognized the owner of that voice.</p><p>"Chilton?" Will said, slightly surprised that he had come to visit, "the man that Gideon gutted?"</p><p>"The very same," Chilton replied coolly slowly approaching Will's cells.</p><p>"What are you doing here?" Will asked, still confused. Hell, he'd only met the man like twice before that, and not under the best of circumstances.</p><p>"I wanted to greet our newest resident. Thought it might be nice to see you up close and personal rather than just through the cameras," Chilton answered, wanting to remind Will that he was always watching.</p><p>"Well, here I am, I guess," Will said, feeling like he was on display once again.</p><p>"Here you are." Chilton parroted back looking smug as watched, "You know, I wouldn’t have pegged you as the ripper personally, but god do I love a good plot twist. The man you had been searching for was you along."</p><p>Will huffed out a laugh at that statement, "Yeah it's like God was just toying with me. I assume that you’ve just come to gloat?" </p><p>"Partly. Because man, do I love to gloat, but I also came for another reason," Chilton replied, leaning on his cane.</p><p>"Which is?" Will asked, hating all of Chilton's arrogant, proud bullshit. </p><p>"To talk about your friend," Chilton replied.</p><p>Hannibal Will thought to himself. "What about him?" Will replied trying not to sound defensive.</p><p>"You can't just start working cases for the FBI again and not expect everyone to ignore it," Chilton answered.</p><p>"Oh, you meant, Jack," Will replied, grateful that Hannibal had been left out of this.</p><p>Chilton tilted his head slightly as he gave Will a look of confusion, "Who'd you think I meant?"</p><p>"No one," Will replied shaking his head.</p><p>Chilton remained suspicious of Will but continued anyway, "Do you really think that working cases is the best idea?"</p><p>"I'm fine," Will answered, trying to not think about the horrifically condescending tone of Chilton's voice.</p><p>"That’s not what I asked, Will," Chilton said, quirking his head to the side a bit.</p><p>"I want to help Jack." Will countered, "And I don’t really see how any of this is your business."</p><p>Chilton smirked and reminded him, "Everything that happens in my hospital is my business. And you, for example, returning to what drove you to murder innocent people is definitely my business."</p><p>Will clenched his jaw and tried his best to calmly repeat "I'm fine."</p><p>"So, you've said," Chilton smirked, turning to leave. Before he left, he added, "Remember, Will, just because we've clipped your wings doesn’t mean you still can't fly too close to the sun."</p><p>As Chilton left, Will felt glad to be alone for the first time since he had gotten there. </p><p>However, the more that time passed the more that the gratefulness morphed into the numbing loneliness he felt for so long in that cell.</p><p>Just like he had before, Hannibal arrived ending Will's loneliness. It felt like one minute he'd left and another he'd come back, and Will couldn’t remember the days in between.</p><p>Will watched as Hannibal walked up to his cell. Will knew that the desperate excitement to interact with another human being (especially one he didn’t loathe like Chilton or Jack) was probably coming off him waves just like last time.</p><p>"Hello Hannibal," Will said watching as Hannibal sat down in his chair. Will felt more trapped than usual in his cage, more aware that he could do nothing but observe.</p><p>"Hello Will." Hannibal replied with that soft subtle smile of his, "So, what would you like to talk about today?"</p><p>Will took a second to think and finally answered, "Jack Crawford came by the other day."</p><p>Hannibal crossed one of his legs over the other and asked, "And what did you discuss?"</p><p>"He wants me to profile another case," Will said remembering his conversation before in all of its awkward, tense glory.</p><p>"And what did you say to that?" Hannibal in a calm tone.</p><p>Will sighed already knowing that Hannibal was going to try and talk him out of it the same way that Chilton had. He finally decided to bite the bullet and answered, "I… I said yes."</p><p>Will waited for the judgment, but it didn’t come. Instead, he heard Hannibal simply ask, "Are you satisfied with that choice?"</p><p>Will thought for a second and he realized that he didn’t exactly have an answer, not a simple one anyway.</p><p>"I feel like it was the right thing to do. But I'm also scared that it's going to make me worse," Will answered in a voice that was a clear reflection of his tangled mess of emotions.</p><p>Hannibal wrote something in his notes, and said, "The human brain loathes confliction. We are creatures that cannot exist in paradox, at least not without major mental repercussions. Our brains will do almost anything to resolve the dissonance. Tell me Will how is your mind handling your opposing feelings?"</p><p>Will laughed and replied, "My mind is handling this the way it handles everything, poorly."</p><p>Hannibal quirked one of his eyebrows at Will's joke, and then replied, "Your brain will rid itself of this cognitive dissonance one way or another. It will pick one of these emotions to latch on to and disregard the other in order cohesion within your mind again. Which one of your emotions is currently winning the battle?"</p><p>Will took a second to assess his own emotions and answered, "Right now I know that it was the right thing to do and I'm glad I said yes."</p><p>Will watched as Hannibal's expression turned into that soft smile of his, "Then I think you made the right decision. It can be good to remember that trusting your own intuition can be the best way to make decisions in life."</p><p>Will returned Hannibal's smile, happy that for once he didn’t have to defend his choices and that he could just be allowed to make his own way in life, "It's funny you had the opposite reaction to Chilton."</p><p>Hannibal looked a bit surprised by that, "Chilton was here? What did he say?"</p><p>Will remembered the weird and vaguely threatening conversation he'd had in the days prior and replied, "He asked if I thought it was a good idea, and said that I was 'returning to what drove me to murder innocent people.'"</p><p>Will had trouble trying to read Hannibal's expression and then heard him ask, "Did Chilton's words upset you?"</p><p>"His arrogant and condescending voice upset me… but part of me agreed with him," Will answered the fear and anxiety saturating his voice.</p><p>"Tell me, Will, what are you scared will happen if you help Jack?" Hannibal asked cautiously clearly not want to upset Will.</p><p>"I'm scared…" Will started, having to pause in order to calm himself down, "I'm scared that I'll do this and I'll my grasp on reality like last time."</p><p>Hannibal gave Will a second to collect himself and soothe the fear before replying, "But this time you have me. I can be your gauge of reality and help keep you grounded."</p><p>Will smiled and thought about Hannibal's words a second before asking, "you… you said the other day that wish we'd met under different circumstances. Could you tell me how you wish we'd met?"</p><p>Hannibal huffed out a small laughed and said, "Will I don’t think it's healthy revel in our imaginations."</p><p>"Well, my imagination is all I have left. So please?" Will asked again trying (and failing) not to sound like a little pleading puppy.</p><p>Hannibal gave a weak sigh before answering, "I wish we could have met before your breakdown with Jack. I wish I could have helped you balance solving cases and your own mental health. But I also wish that we could have met in Italy sitting in front of the Primavera. We could just be people outside bounds therapist and patient, outside the bounds of your cell."</p><p>Will smiled at Hannibal's words playing out inside his head, a beautiful contrast to his depressing reality, "That sounds nice. I've never been to Italy before. I guess I'll never get to go now."</p><p>Hannibal's expression saddened slightly at Will's last statement and then he asked, "How do you wish we'd met, Will?"</p><p>"I wish we could have met in Cuba. That we could have met in a small town that’s far away from the outside world and its problems. That didn’t we have to be a part of this huge messy world." Will answered remembering how nice the seclusion in his dream after their last session had been and thinking about how much nicer that seclusion would have been with someone to share it with.</p><p>"I've never been to Cuba," Hannibal answered in a soft voice.</p><p>"Well if you go then you'll have to tell me how it was," Will replied with a small smirk.</p><p>Hannibal nodded with a smile, and said, "Don’t worry. I will."</p><p>They sat in comfortable silence for a bit before Hannibal's alarm went off alerting them that their time was up and they exchanged polite goodbyes.</p><p>And then Hannibal left, just like he had the times before. But this time Will had the comfort of his own imagination if nothing else.</p><p>Will imagined the worlds that they had talked about earlier on, he imagined the situations, and most importantly he imagined Hannibal.</p><p>And that alone made it feel as though Hannibal had never left.</p>
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<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Okay so some clarification notes, in this fic I have made it so that not only is Will the Chesapeake Ripper, but he is guilty of ALL the crimes that Hannibal commits. That includes the copycat killings. ok, and Will's cell is the same as the one from season 2 but it has the box that Hannibals had attached to it.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Will continued to play out different lives he could've had, and if he was honest with himself there was only one theme that stretched throughout them. Hannibal.</p><p>Will still made sure not to neglect himself within this reality (he ate, slept, showered, etc.), but between profiling, the case, and indulging in his mind's own wistful narrative he found himself less trapped than before.</p><p>Honestly, between the fantasies that allowed him to escape his depressing life and his sessions with Hannibal Will's mental health and greatly increased in the last few months. </p><p>His hallucinations had all but stopped, he felt stronger emotionally, and he had less guilt over crimes that he had no memory of even committing. </p><p>But as God does with all of us when we start to climb back up, he throws us off the cliff again. </p><p>Will had been analyzing the mental patterns the man the media had begun calling the red dragon rather than the tooth fairy like before. He was lost in the mind of man that he'd never met and likely never would. </p><p>He was jolted back into himself when he heard one of the attendants say "You have a phone call, Mr. Graham." He watched as the attendant left the phone in the small metal box attached to his cell.</p><p>Will's mind ran through all the possibilities of who it could be since most of his friends and family disowned him once the news circulated about what he'd done.</p><p>Left without any answers to who was on the other side, Will tentatively picked up the phone and asked, "Hello?"</p><p>"It's you, you're the ripper," the voice said. The tone of the voice was hard to pin down exactly but Will knew one thing, this wasn’t going to be good.</p><p>"Who are you?" Will asked, nervousness overtaking his voice. </p><p>"You killed my sister," the man replied, his tone much clearer this time, clearly laced with pure rage.</p><p>"Who are you?!" Will exclaimed, his fear and guilt overriding his ability to stay calm.</p><p>"My sister's name was Cassie Boyle, you removed her lungs and it's assumed that you ate them, then you impaled her body on the antlers of a deer. I… I thought that the shrike did this at first and I was almost grateful to you for killing him. But now I know the truth. I know that you're a monster!"</p><p>Will's guilt swelled as the man spoke. Did he truly do all the things that everyone had claimed?</p><p>"I don't know you. I have no memory o-of killing your sister. I wasn't in a lucid state of mind when that happened." Will reasoned, trying not to think about the claims the man had made. </p><p>"I wanted you dead at first, but now I know that this is the best outcome. Because I get the joy of knowing that you have to rot in that cell as you go insane," the man replied in a calm voice for the first time through this whole conversation. </p><p>And then the man hung up.</p><p>The attendant came and took the phone. The moment was over, but the conversation replayed in Will's head over and over as he tried desperately to come to any conclusions that made sense. </p><p>Eventually, the guilt and the fear began to weigh on him in such a way that it felt as though he was suffocating. He was thinking in loops, eating his own tail like an ouroboros.</p><p>Will desperately craved a distraction, a purpose, and a way to rid himself of guilt. So he began to work on the case needing to feel helpful rather than inherently destructive. </p><p> Will felt his mind relax as he took the time to imagine the details of the case that he had basically memorized at this point. He got to the part of one the crime, where the dragons stab a young girl in the chest…</p><p>And suddenly his mind flashed to a memory. </p><p>It was bits and pieces, but he could make out what was happening. He watched as he saw himself as he sliced through this living girl. His moves were cold and calculated as if he was slicing a piece of meat rather then a human being.</p><p>Then he was back. Back in his cell, back in his body. Will's mind lagged for a second trying to process what had happened and where he was.</p><p>After a moment his mind finally understood. He had to confront that he was truly a murder for the first time. He had done this.</p><p>"I… I ki-killed her," Will said out loud in a shaky voice that resembled his now shaky mental state. Will felt the tears run down his face, slowly at first but gradually building into a choked sob.</p><p>Will felt lost in a sea of his own emotions. He felt guilt for his crimes, sadness that he'd never be able to undo this, and pain because he had to face this all alone.</p><p>Will began to swing violently back and forth between a panicked anxious mania, and hopeless encompassing depression. One minute he'd be having a panic attack and the next he be in his bed feeling almost numb. </p><p>Eventually, Will had found himself in the corner of his cell hugging his knees to his chest. Tears continuously ran down his face as he repeated "I killed her" over and over in a weak voice.</p><p>"Will?" </p><p>Will looked up and saw Hannibal outside his cell, a mix of sadness and worry on his face.</p><p>"Ha-Hannibal? I didn’t think it was time for our session," Will said in his soft shaky tone.</p><p>"It isn't. Chilton called and said you were having breakdown so I came as quick as I could." Hannibal replied, his voice taking on a soothing tone.</p><p>"I killed her," Will repeated again. He was still in the fetal position trying to hold to a small bit of comfort it provided.</p><p>"Will, what happened?" Hannibal asked concern returning.</p><p>"So-someone called. I don't know who it was. He said…" Will paused, trying to stop himself from sobbing, "He said that I ki-killed his sister."</p><p>"Oh, Will," Hannibal said in a tone that mimicked Will's own sadness. A need for the wall that separated them to simply vanish hung in the air. And Will was unsure whether this desperation for them to be closer came from Hannibal or himself.</p><p>"I wasn’t even that upset at first. I didn’t even remember doing it so why should I have been?" Will laughed out in a voice that was still saturated by his own sadness. He slowly let go of his knees and got up stepping closer to the man on the other side, "But then I was profiling the case for Jack and stepping into that killer's shoe, and I remembered. For the first time, I watched myself kill someone. I  can't run away from it anymore, I'm a killer, I'm a mons-"</p><p>"Will, just breathe," Hannibal said in his usual calming tone.</p><p>Will sucked in a breathe and allowed his mind time to calm itself. </p><p>"Now tell me, Will would a true monster be so guilty when confronted with their crimes?"</p><p>"No," Will breathed out weakly.</p><p>"And anyone would agree that you weren't in your right mind then, and your actions were caused by your disease which is out of your control, yes?"</p><p>"Yes," Will nodded in agreement.</p><p>"So then why should I blame you for a crime that was out of your control?" Hannibal asked in a logical, reasoning tone.</p><p>"That still doesn’t make the guilt go away," Will replied softly.</p><p>"Nor should it. That guilt will help you, it will remind you of your morality. If we didn’t feel guilt then the rules that govern us would be meaningless. The only way we learn is through the pain. Unfortunately, that doesn’t make that pain any less painful," Hannibal said, in the same fanciful tone he used for all of his philosophical ponderings that Will was beginning to know and love.</p><p>"So, you don’t think I'm a monster?" Will asked, nervousness mixing with his existing sadness.</p><p>"I think of you as a lot of things Will. I think of you as someone who is quiet and secretive, but who opens up when a level of trust is formed. I think of you as someone who does what's right even if it's at their own expense. But most of all Will, I think of you as a friend." Hannibal said, looking into Will's eyes, "Nothing that you could ever do could make me see you as a monster, I promise. And I always keep my promises."</p><p>Will let out a small sob at Hannibal's words. He felt the tears come down his face again as he was hit by how genuine Hannibal's words were.</p><p>"I'm sorry, Will, did I say something that upset you?" Hannibal asked, concerned for Will in a way that no one had ever been before.</p><p>"No, it's not that." Will said, wiping away his tears, "It's just… I believe you. This is the first time I've even fully believed someone when they’ve said nice things to me. Most of the time I've just felt like a burden, like every nice thing that someone has said is just a lie in one way or another. But I believe you."</p><p>Hannibal smiled, relieved that he hadn't accidentally worsened Will's pain, "I would never lie to you, Will, and you'll never be a burden to me."</p><p>After talking to Hannibal, Will calmed down and finally stopped panicking. Once again Will had been soothed by one of their conversations. It was beginning to feel like Hannibal was the only thing keeping Will together.</p><p>And if Will was honest with himself, that terrified him.</p><p>Will had spent his whole life alone, he'd never needed anyone. He had always thought he couldn’t trust anyone else. But now? Well, now Will didn't know what to think.</p><p>Will was scared to make Hannibal his anchor because he knew there was a chance the cable would snap, and Will would drift away.</p><p>Still, by shutting Hannibal out he was condemning himself to the same fate.</p><p>After contemplating truly trusting Hannibal for what seemed like an eternity, Will decided that maybe it was finally time to take a leap of faith.</p>
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